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ALEXANDRIA, VA—Embarrassed by the piles of clutter in virtually every room, former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort reportedly spent the afternoon Wednesday making his house look presentable before the next predawn FBI raid.
WASHINGTON—Offering a stark and sobering assessment of the consequences of a military conflict with the nuclear-armed nation, the Central Intelligence Agency confirmed Wednesday that North Korea now possesses missile technology capable of reaching Sam Waterston’s house.
WASHINGTON—In a comprehensive analysis of the nation’s media consumption habits, a report published Friday by the Pew Research Center found that most Americans now receive their news while holding their hands over their eyes and peeking out between their fingers.
I resolved that I would only go out with Jewish girls. I attributed this to the fact that I was kind of nerdy: My extra-curricular activities included musical theater, video games, and Dungeons & Dragons, not exactly the types of things that made a guy popular with the ladies. I had numerous opportunities, on the other hand, to date non-Jewish women.
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But while Tinder has a reputation for being used by individuals simply looking for someone attractive and nearby for casual sex, JSwipes founder insists that his app is about helping single Jews make meaningful connections.
NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.
WASHINGTON—Strange, viscous fluid dribbling down from the shadows above him, Trump administration staffer Jason Mc Cabe on Thursday reportedly looked up from a puddle of slime he had been investigating to discover a fellow aide cocooned in Steve Bannon’s ooze.
In high school, this decision proved to be mostly moot. I tried not to follow up on them at first, but I was frustrated and lonely and had finite willpower.